Getting Clean
by MACRA
Summary: How do you get back to where you belong when you've gone too far?


Korra sat on the beach, hunched over, staring blankly out at the sea. Naga lay behind her. Every so often the big polar bear dog would whimper, distressed by her companion's mood. Korra knew that she should comfort her friend, but she couldn't find it in herself to move.

Earlier her thoughts had been a whirlpool of anger, guilt, and despair. For a time, the cycle of her thoughts had spun tighter and faster. Now it had settled down to a single monotonous bleak curse word, repeated silently to herself every few seconds.

Korra heard the car pull to a stop up at the road. She heard Naga's hopeful whine and the eager thump of her tail. She heard the crunch of approaching footsteps in the sand. She didn't look around until a figure moved into her peripheral view.

Asami stood there, looking down at her, hands thrust in the pockets of her shorts, shoulders slumped. There wasn't any anger left on her face, just sadness. If anything, that was worse. Korra found that her own anger had burned out long ago, but that just meant that the guilt and despair came back stronger. Unable to bear the other woman's gaze, Korra looked away.

"I got back and you were gone. So I waited. Then I started to wonder if you were coming home." Asami's voice trailed off.

Korra shut her eyes tight. She had to take several deep breaths before she could speak. "I wasn't sure if it was my home anymore."

She heard Asami's shoes scrape on the sand. She opened her eyes again and saw that the other woman had turned to face the sea. When she spoke, her voice sounded husky. "If it isn't, I don't suppose it's anyone's home anymore. Without you, it's just a big house."

Korra couldn't hold back the tears anymore. "Oh, Spirits, Asami. I'm sorry," she said. "What I said to you was vile. I don't know how you can stand there acting as if me coming back would be a good thing."

The last moments of the argument replayed in her head. It had blown up around something small and stupid, but had pulled in every dispute, every disappointment, every moment of raw nerves that had built up over the past few weeks. And after the raised voices and all the sniping, Asami had been ready to step back, to try to cool things down. And instead of following her lead, Korra had to get one more dig in.

"Oh, and now we get Miss Asami Perfect Martyr Sato, who waited three years for me and who loves me oh-so-much more than I love her."

She knew she had gone too far the moment she said it. Part of her had been grimly triumphant at the following silence. Part of her screamed to take it all back. Asami had looked at her for a long moment with eyes like stones. And then had said, "I'm going for a drive," in a voice lacking expression, and had stalked out of the house. And Korra had let her go. Had stood rooted to the same spot for long minutes after the sound of the car motor had faded in the distance.

The rest of the time was a blur. She had left the house herself, ridden Naga blindly, ending up here. _If you really cared for her, cared enough to make a clean break_ , she thought bitterly, _you would have picked a place where she wouldn't look for you_.

Asami sat down heavily near her. "I'm sorry too. I said a lot of nasty things myself, things I knew would hurt." Korra started to protest, but Asami overrode her. "What you said at the end did hurt. I'm not denying that. But it hurt partly because you were right. Part of me still holds those three years against you. I have no right to, but I do. And tonight's not the first time I've tried to punish you for it." Korra stared at her, dumbfounded. Asami kept looking out to sea as she spoke.

"So we both have mess to clean up. And I don't care how horrible this sounds, but I'm glad," Asami continued fiercely. "I'm glad it's not just one of us. Because this way, I think we're standing in a place where we can move forward together and fix things." She looked at Korra then, a trace of fear in her eyes. "If that's what you want."

Korra hadn't been expecting to feel hope. She struggled to speak. "It is," she croaked, and was rewarded by seeing the tension fade from Asami's posture. "I want us to work," she said more firmly.

After a pause, Asami spoke in a careful tone of voice. "I think we're going to need help."

Korra considered this a moment and nodded. "Tomorrow, I can ask Kya if she can recommend someone we can see. She'll know someone, and she'll respect whatever boundary we set on how much we want to tell her or anyone else."

Asami nodded and actually smiled a little. Neither of them had moved, but somehow they were now sitting together, not just next to each other. The silence that followed no longer hurt.

Korra looked at the sea thoughtfully. Next to her Asami stirred, possibly to stand up. "Take off your shoes," Korra said, on impulse. She pulled her own boots off and stood. Asami looked at her curiously, but nonetheless did as Korra asked. Korra reached down and pulled the other woman to her feet. "We're going to wash off the past," she said and started guiding Asami to the water's edge.

"Is this a Water Tribe thing?" Asami asked.

"Spirits, no. You'd catch your death. This is a 'We're already at the beach on a hot night, and who says symbolism has to be unpleasant' Korra thing."

"Oh, one of those." Asami laughed. It was the most beautiful thing Korra could wish to hear. Holding hands, they started wading into the water.

"Tenzin once told me," Korra said, "that the biggest mistake people make with forgiveness is thinking it's supposed to be easy, and that there's something wrong with them when it turns out to be hard. Well, he said it in a much wiser, more air-nomady way, but that was the gist of it.

"So this isn't supposed to get rid of the hard work ahead of us. And it doesn't mean we're never gonna get upset about something one of us did or said last year or last week or tonight."

They were up to their waists in the water. Korra stopped and turned to Asami, grasping her hands. "But maybe this can help us remember. That the past shouldn't get in the way of the future. Maybe this can help us win."

Asami nodded. "Winning sounds good to me. So what do we do?"

"Um. Take a deep breath and dunk under?" She smiled a bit sheepishly, but Asami just nodded again. Still holding hands, the two dipped under the surface. The sea provided a welcome relief from the late summer heatwave. Korra stayed under until her lungs started to protest. There was no pull upward on her hands, so Asami also seemed content to stay submerged as long as possible.

Korra broke the surface with a gasp. She released Asami's hands and dashed the salt water from her eyes. She looked across at her girlfriend. Asami's eyes were closed and her smile peaceful as she pulled her wet hair back from her face. Then Korra's eyes strayed downward and she became acutely aware that the other woman was not wearing a bra under her tea-shirt.

She swallowed and wrenched her eyes back upwards. Asami's eyes were open now, and the amused look on her face suggested that she had caught Korra staring. Korra felt the blush rise in her face. "I may not have thought out all of the practicalities in advance," she said.

"And here I thought this was all your cunning plan to get me turned on for make-up sex." Asami moved closer to her, a suggestive smile on her face. She raised a hand to Korra's cheek and caressed her.

Korra's shiver had nothing to do with the coolness of the water. "If I'd been thinking that far ahead, I would have taken us someplace less sandy. And with less Naga looking on."

The two women glanced back to the beach. Naga was still lying down, but was watching them alertly, head cocked curiously to one side.

Asami started running her fingers through Korra's hair. "Think she'll come out here?" She started to nuzzle against Korra's neck.

Korra gasped and wrapped her arms around her lover before answering. "Not if we don't splash too much."

"And the sand won't be a problem while we're out here." A string of feathery kisses ran up from Korra's neck to her temple. "Our options may be a touch limited, but I think it has possibilities."

Korra muttered "Come here," and pulled Asami away from her brow and into a proper kiss, tasting the tang of the salt water on her girlfriend's lips. She tangled her fingers in the other woman's hair. Asami's hands ran up and down her back.

It felt like how things were supposed to be. How they hadn't felt for a few weeks. Korra started to realize just how long they had been building towards the night's bust up. Korra broke the kiss and cupped Asami's face in her hands, looking into her eyes. "I've missed us," she said.

Korra wondered if her remark would make any sense, but Asami just nodded. "I have too." Then she leaned in to resume the kiss.


End file.
